I Will Follow You Into the Dark
by eudyptulaminor
Summary: Little snipits into the relationship of Carson and Rodney. Warnings: slash, hurt of the physical kind, death of the dead kind.


A/N: My sister is now mad at me because of this.

Lyrics are from I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab For Cutie. Wonderful song by a wonderful band that they own, not me. I'm also just borrowing the characters.

_Love of mine some day you will die_

_But I'll be close behind_

_I'll follow you into the dark_

Elizabeth sighed as the walked into the infirmary and saw the same picture that she had seen for the past week.

"Carson," she said quietly. "How's he doing?"

"Better. He came out of his coma earlier. Now we're just waiting for him to wake up," he replied without taking his eyes off the man lying in the bed next to him.

"Any chance you would be getting sleep when that happened?"

"Maybe. I just want to see that he'll be alright."

"We all do." Elizabeth walked over to her friend and squeezed his shoulder. "You'll call me when he wakes up?"

"Aye."

With a last look at her injured friend and a sad smile to the love of his life, she left the infirmary to update the rest of the team.

"What am I going to do with ye?" asked Carson. "I can't live without you, love of mine. But if you keep this up, some day I won't be able to save you and you will die. If you leave me, I'll follow you into the dark of death."

"C'son?"

"Rodney?"

"No death."

Carson laughed with joy. "No, luv, no death."

"Mmm," Rodney said as he fell back asleep.

"No death."

_In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule_

_I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black_

_And I held my tongue as she told me_

_"Son fear is the heart of love"_

_So I never went back_

"Wait, you went to Catholic school?" John asked unbelieving one day over dinner.

"Why is that so hard to believe?" asked Carson. "That was mainly the only school to go to in Scotland."

"You just don't seem very religious."

"You don't have to be religious to go to Catholic school."

"I just think its weird. Was it all boys?"

"Aye."

"How long did you go?"

"Only half a year. The nuns were vicious. Reminded me of the Roman generals or Caesars we were learning about in History class."

"Did you ever get punished?" Rodney asked with a leer.

"I got my knuckles bruised several times by the devils in black."

"Only your knuckles?" Rodney asked again.

"Rodney, they were nuns. Sex was probably the last thing on their minds," John chimed in.

"Unless it was sex with Jesus," Rodney said.

John and Carson laughed in spite of themselves. "That shouldn't be funny."

"But probably true," John added.

"So why were you there for only half a year?" asked Rodney.

"I can't even remember what we were discussing at the time, but one of the nuns told the class that fear was the heart of love. I argued with her about that and got sent home for it. Never went back after that."

"Out of all the things that you could have disagreed with the nuns with, you disagreed with their views of love," stated Rodney.

"Aye. I just couldn't believe that you would love someone out of fear. There had to be more than that to it."

"I could see what she meant with the statement," John commented. When Rodney and Carson looked at him, he continued, "How many times do people realize they love someone when they fear that they could loose them? It might not be fear of the person, but of loosing them that is the catalyst, the heart of the matter if you will."

"How many people just come into love without any fear? That is probably more likely than loving out of fear."

"Loving someone because you are scared to loose them is not a good reason," Carson said. "You should love them for who they are."

"So you're telling me that you love Rodney not because he saved all of our collective asses," started John.

"Hey, I don't think I like where this is going!" protested Rodney.

John, ignoring him, continued. "But you somehow love him for who he is? Bastard and all?"

Carson looked over at his clearly annoyed lover and smiled. "Aye. I love him for being who he is, snark, ego, and all."

The annoyance in Rodney deflated at that remark. "Even when I haven't had any sleep or any coffee?"

"Especially then."

Rodney looked over at John. "I think he's lost his mind."

"More or likely his heart," retorted John.

Carson placed his hand on Rodney's face. "You reaffirmed my belief that fear is not the heart of love. That everything I believed about love growing up was true. I love you for that as well."

Rodney smiled. "I love you too. Even if you are crazy and practice voodoo."

"I couldn't ask for more."

_The time for sleep is now_

_It's nothing to cry about_

_Cause we'll hold each other soon_

_The blackest of rooms_

"Carson? It hurts," moaned Rodney.

"I know luv, I know. I just need you to hold on a little while longer."

"Not sure I can do that."

"You have to."

"Hurts too much."

"Just focus on me. Can ye do that?"

Rodney opened his eyes and locked them with Carson's worried ones. "Look at you as I die? Yeah, I think I can do that."

"Ye are not going to die luv!"

"Wouldn't be too sure about that. Feeling light headed here."

Just then a medical team rushed in. "See, ye are not going to die," Carson said as they got to work patching up Rodney. "The time for sleep is now, ye are going to be fine."

"You'll be there when I wake up? 'Cause I'm not going to sleep unless I know you will be there."

Carson nodded. "I'll never leave your side."

Rodney nodded and closed his eyes.

"We need to get him to the infirmary," a voice behind Carson said quietly.

"I know. He will be fine, right?"

"Of course, he hasn't annoyed enough people today."

Carson laughed.

It was the next day when Rodney woke up. "C'son?"

"I'm here."

"Doesn't hurt anymore."

"That's good."

"I'm not dead."

"No, no you're not."

"No blinding lights or tunnels to gates of white. That's a good thing, right?"

"Very good thing."

"So there's nothing to cry about. Why are you crying?"

"Just glad you're awake."

"Oh." Rodney closed his eyes. Then he slightly opened one to look at Carson. "Uh, when can I get out of here?"

"You'll probably be here for a few days, why?"

"Just wondering, that's all."

Carson smiled. "Don't worry, we'll be able to hold each other soon."

"Ah, good, good."

Carson leaned over and gave Rodney a gentle kiss. "Go back to sleep luv. I'll still be here when you wake up."

Rodney nodded and fell back into the blackest of rooms.

_If there's no one beside you_

_When your soul embarks_

_Then I'll follow you into the dark_

"No no no! How could you let this happen! He was supposed to be safe!"

"There was nothing anyone could have done, it was an accident," Elizabeth started to explain.

"He's dead. He died alone thinking we'd forgotten about him."

Elizabeth wisely said nothing as the man in front of her broke down into tears.

"He's dead, Elizabeth, dead. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can go on."

"Give it time."

"Time. The one thing you can never have enough of." He looked out over the ocean.

Elizabeth placed her hand on his shoulder. "I'm here, if you need to talk."

"I need him to be alive. He's my life, Elizabeth, my life. The only thing that made getting up in the morning worthwhile. The only reason I was ever brave was for him. I think I need to be alone right now."

"I understand." Just as she was about to leave, she turned around and said, "Remember that there are other people here who care about you." After seeing a slight nod, she left.

"But they'll never care as much as you," he whispered. He looked around and finally found what he was looking for. Picking it up, he crossed over to the body of his love. "You always told me that if I died, you would follow me into the dark. Never imagined it would be me doing the following."

He clasped the cold hand in front of him. "I don't think I'll ever forgive them for leaving you all alone. Your soul embarked with no one beside you. I can only hope that you waited for me." He uncapped the syringe in his hand. "I love you."

It was quick and painless, just like he wanted.

"Hey, Rodney," John said as he entered the infirmary. "Just wanted to see. Shit." He crossed over to the bed, that when he left, only had the body of Carson, but now held the still body of Rodney as well. "Rodney?" he asked as he felt for a pulse and wasn't surprised to find none.

John sighed when he found the empty syringe lying next to Rodney's limp hand. "Elizabeth, I've got some bad news," he started.

"We are gathered here today to remember two incredible individuals. It is because of them that many of us are here today to pay our respects. It is because of the love that they had for each other that we were able to defeat the Wraith. There are many stories that could be told about these brave men, many of which you will probably hear throughout the course of the night. But before we remember our friends, John wanted to pay his respects in his own way," said Elizabeth.

John nodded and got settled at the front of the room. "I thought this summed up Rodney McKay and Carson Beckett pretty well." He then played the first notes of a song that he had heard many times while visiting the infirmary.

_Love of mine some day you will die_

_But I'll be close behind_

_I'll follow you into the dark_


End file.
